i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
