All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How does one acquire holy water?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
