About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
