My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
