The maid of honor just puked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
