Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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