I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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