I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
