The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
