You can't special order awesome
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
