You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
