I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
