I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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