just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
