If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
