dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
try to milk me bitch
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