I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
