There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
