My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
