I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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