I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Say something about gay babies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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