stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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