shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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