you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
