he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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