Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
