I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
