So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
not ubering you a puppy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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