Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
