It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
