Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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