matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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