His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
