it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
