I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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