His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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