If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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