i barfeds in our rink
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
