Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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