The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
