It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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