I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
