Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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