Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
