sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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