i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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