she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
