My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
