I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
