I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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