I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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