haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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