i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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