also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
