and my herpes radar will keep us safe
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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