allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize