I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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