How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
