The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
