You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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