I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
