I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
