i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
