Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
