I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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